How old were you when you experienced your first major heartbreak, and was it 19? If so, you are not alone. The “man you meet at age 19” phenomenon is circulating on the internet, and social media users are reassuring each other that the person you date at age 19 is “not your soulmate.”
“I wish I’d heard when people said that the older guy you meet when you were 19 turned out to be the biggest mistake you’ve ever made.” A user of Tiktok wrote. This Tiktoker warning has accumulated nearly 5 million views. If you’re 19, stay single. ”
So what about being 19 years old that makes us so susceptible to dating the wrong person or breaking our hearts?
“Our brains aren’t fully formed yet, so the emotional parts of your brain really go through things very violently,” explains psychotherapist and author Amy Morin. “Falling in love is very intense, but when there is a breakup, it also feels incredibly intense.”
It’s an era where people still understand who they are, Morin adds. But “it’s also the perfect time to try out what life you want to have, who wants to spend your time, and how you want to make your life look.”
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19 is the transition between adolescence and adulthood
19 is when people in our lives explore, incorporate new experiences, and understand who they want to be. “For many people, you still don’t know enough of yourself,” Morin says. “So, understanding who I want to spend my life with would be really difficult to answer.”
It is also difficult to see young people go far ahead in life, leading to more irrational and impulsive relationships. “You can consume more in the future than you have,” says psychotherapist Stephanie Salkis. “As you get older, you tend to focus more on the future and plan for the future. But at age 19, you’re more, or just a few years away.”
And it’s not just women who experience 19 phenomena. Young girls “can be socialized to think that their values are dependent on relationships in contrast to their career,” explains Morin, but everyone is in a relationship, regardless of gender. I’m struggling to lose it.
There is no “male first love” theory across social media. What is it?
People may lack tools to identify red flags
During this temporary period, it can be difficult to detect red flags as many people still lack strong relationships and communication skills.
When you are experiencing the excitement of falling in love, perhaps for the first time, a good day can overwhelm the bad day. But at the same time, people may not have the tools to set boundaries or speak for themselves.
“If someone is subtly putting you on, if someone is bombing you and they disappear the next thing, then it’s possible that you will recognize what’s going on with you. So we may be susceptible to unhealthy relationships,” Morin says.
Sarkis says it is important for people to educate themselves and their friends about the red flag in advance.
What is the red flag of relationship?
Open to new experiences. You will find love again
Sarkis says that not all relationships at 19 years old will last, but that doesn’t mean that it’s always bad. She says the most important step is to see what you learned from it. “That’s where growth happens,” she adds.
You may look back and realize that the relationship didn’t work because it wasn’t the right person, or that you weren’t happy because you were “trying to fit yourself into another person’s life.” Not, Morin says. But if you’re sure the person you met at age 19 is the only person in the world for you and that didn’t work out, “You’ll probably live a pretty lonely life,” she adds. Masu.
As you get older and smarter, you will probably develop more skills and become more successful in future relationships. Ultimately, you stop thinking about your regrets and learn what you want (and what you don’t tolerate) in the future.
“Remember, there are so many people in the world,” Morin says. “The chances that no one else will find it is pretty slim.”