Do we ever forget our first love? It’s a question occupying the minds of some people on the internet. Some social media users are enthusiastic about the “men’s first love theory,” which states that men cannot get over their first love.
One X user wrote, “Trust me, the man’s first love theory is pretty realistic.” A commenter on TikTok wrote, “He’s my first love and I think of everything I could ever think of, but I know I’m not his first love, and I I really hate it,” he added.
But does that apply only to men? Another TikTok commenter chimed in, saying, “I think men and women always remember/think about their first love,” adding, “First love doesn’t necessarily mean true love, but the memories are forever.” I’ll stay there, and that’s fine,” he said. Experts agree that the emotions associated with nostalgia and love are powerful forces that keep everyone thinking about their first love.
“TikTok has a way of boiling down complex topics into sayings and myths,” says Kimberly Vered Shashour, a licensed clinical social worker. “Are there some people who can’t forget their first love? Of course. Is it because they’re men? Especially not.”
However, you need to be careful not to create a harmful pattern if someone’s first love experience doesn’t go as planned. Trauma counselor Jordan Pickell says, “Our first love experiences are formative, shaping what we believe is possible in relationships and what we expect from future partners. But holding all subsequent relationships to first love standards can be harmful. ”
“First love often happens in simpler times.”
Pickel theorizes that because of modern dating, we are now fixated on “first love.” “The current dating environment leaves people feeling burnt out and isolated,” she says. “First love often occurs during simpler times, like school, early in a career, or other situations where a relationship can develop organically.”
Additionally, love unlocks chemical bonds in the brain such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, and “when you fall in love and develop a connection with each other, all of these things come together to make you feel all kinds of wonderful emotions,” says Associate. Professor Shana Katari says. She received her doctorate from the University of Michigan’s School of Social Work and Women’s and Gender Studies. “It’s no surprise that long after the initial spark has faded, those feelings can make us feel good about someone, whether the relationship is still there or not.”
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For men, ‘first love can carry great emotional weight’
Why is the focus on a man’s first love rather than a woman’s first love? Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and podcast host and author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” says the male-specific theory has no scientific basis. Some experts say this idea may be related to social pressure.
“First love can carry significant emotional weight that is never fully addressed, as women are often not socialized to process and express emotions in the same way as women. Yes,” Pickel said. Laura Pettiford, a licensed marriage and family therapist, agrees: “Women may experience the same intense emotions as when they first fall in love, but they probably have more experience in the emotional realm, so… We may be able to move forward without too much difficulty.” I agree.
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“If you forget your first love, you may not be who you are now.”
So is it true? In fact, can people never “get over” their first love? A lot of it depends on the context.
“The emotions associated with early love are associated with significant hormonal changes that the body perceives as stress,” Pettiford says. “It takes time for a more sustainable love to establish that actually acts as a stress buffer.” For example, the first “love” may not be love at all, but simply an initial strong emotional experience. There may be.
It may be worth digging into your past with an expert. “In therapy, we see people all the time rewriting the story of their past relationships, especially if they’re dissatisfied with their current situation,” Pickel says. “First love, more than a reflection of what actually happened at the time, may be a substitute for what is missing now.”
And even if something difficult happened in the past, it doesn’t mean it’s worth pushing it down and pretending nothing happened. “Who we are as individuals and in our relationships is built on a lifetime of experiences and lessons learned,” Katari says. “If you forget your first love, you may not be the same person you are today, and you may not be the person a new partner would fall in love with.”
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